I am just back from an aborted walk on the beach this morning--aborted, because something occurred to me that I want to try to express. When you have an insight, if you don't write it directly from the experience, it can come out trite. Let me see if I can stay with it.
As far back as three years old--which is when my full memory of childhood starts--I remember longing for three things. The first was philosophical understanding--what it all meant. The second was to remember myself, and then, when even this much faded, to remember whatever-it-was-I-had-forgotten. I can only extrapolate that that's what it was, by the things that struck me as especially significant--things which I now see were connected with my past life as Mathew Franklin Whittier, in the 19th century. Things like Victorian houses, and the rocky coast of Maine, riding on trains, and personal libraries. The third was my soul-mate, who I remember specifically longing for as early as age five or six.
What occurred to me on the beach, was that while the world might consider me unsuccessful at this stage of my life, I have, in fact, successfully found all three.
I found the first in 1974, in the person of my Guru, Meher Baba. As a child, I would gaze up at the Pleiades, calling it my "Question Mark." That Question has been answered, both in the person of Meher Baba, and in his teachings. I could write volumes on this subject; I will say this much, that Meher Baba was the Avatar, also called the Christ, of this era. It is only because we are approaching Christmas, that I mention it, at all. This is one of those "word for the wise" subjects--the less said, the better. If you have ears to hear, then hear.
I could never have imagined, when I was a three-year-old, that in 2005 I would complete my quest to remember who I was--i.e., who I had been. But I did--my long study of reincarnation paid off, personally, when I discovered my 19th-century life as Mathew. "Who wooda thunkit?"
My search for my soul-mate--whom I naturally assumed to be in physical incarnation--took me down some very dark paths. I projected what I subconsciously remembered of Abby (Mathew's soul-mate) onto a string of women, and attempted to relate to them as I would have, to her. With all due respect, none of them were either receptive, or worthy of it. I'm not saying all my relationships fit this pattern--in a few cases I consciously tried to break it, but these relationships had little emotional energy in them. Once having had Abby, I now could neither reclaim her, nor replace her, nor could I accept anything less than what we had had, together. There seemingly was no solution.
At that time, I "gave up and let God." I put the entire matter into my Guru's hands--as he tells his followers to do. And I left it there. That's when Abby began contacting me, and the rest you can learn from either of my books. That was 6-1/2 years ago. I haven't been lonely a day since, and I suffered deeply from loneliness in years past. Imagination can't do that. You can't sustain imagination for that long, in such a way that loneliness is really conquered. You can only fool yourself for so long, at least on the emotional level.
So my life, to date, has been a blazing success, in this sense. I have accomplished--or, one might say, I have been vouchsafed--all three of my longings. But it took time--specifically, it took time for me to personally evolve to the point that I was ready to receive them. There is a lesson in this, but I think what is to be taken from it, is that one unfolds like a flower. Only a fool grabs hold of a flower and attempts to force it open. But only a fool doesn't believe that flowers open.
Stephen Sakellarios, M.S.
Music opening this page: "Arithmetic," by Eric Johnson, from the album, "Up Close"