Abby's journal



March 4, 2018


Steve doesn't feel inspired to channel, but he's bored--so can you channel when you're bored? We'll see.

There are many things I could say, but it is best not to. So propriety limits me a bit. Steve visited the Spiritualist Church, and has also been online with a group, which I would really like him off of, many of whom are Spiritualists. Mathew was heavily involved with them for a time, after I had passed. But there are two pitfalls to that path, and neither of them applied to Mathew, nor do they apply to me. I will say that about the time Mathew grew out of it, he was involved with other people who hadn't, if that makes sense. It will, in a minute.

Spiritualism was grounded in traditional Christianity; only, these are Christians who feel that we should keep in contact with those who have passed over. Otherwise, it can be pretty mainstream. As such, reincarnation is anethema, to them. This is the first problem, meaning, the first incompatability with those who have studied a broader base, as I had, and as I taught Mathew to do (gradually).

The second problem is to become sloppy, from the logical point of view--the point of view grounded in reason. Belief takes over, and one isn't careful about whether one is imagining, or not. Some also may not be careful about whether they are cheating, or not. Cheating can mean rationalizing, when results should be teaching you. I mean, making excuses. One has to walk both paths at the same time--the path of faith, and the path of reason. If you favor one at the expense of the other, you err, on one side or the other.

This is what eventually caused Mathew to sour on the Spiritualists; that too many adherents were being too sloppy, and taking mere coincidence as evidence. No need to pound this into the ground--you get the idea.

Steve has visited just about all the major sites which have strong bearing on his past life as Mathew; and especially, those sites which have bearing on our marrriage, and our relationship. At some of them, he had strong feelings; at one or two, he had glimpses of things that had happened; at one, he solved a mystery. I don't need to recap these things, i.e., his reactions, as he has done a thorough job in his own journal, in this regard. I can say it was tremendous fun to watch him explore these places. He could feel me staying back, while he did so. I simply didn't want to influence the results. I can give him memories of the past, by superimposing my mind on his (or more accurately, by superimposing my conscious mind, as I am remembering, onto his subconscious mind). But I wanted the results to be pure, since it was in the name of research. So I let him do this all on his own. This is one reason he wasn't getting the kind of results he expected, at first! The problem is, he has gotten used to my helping him in this regard. It took him awhile to learn how to tune in, without my help.

Today, he was walking around a body of water which was there (if smaller) in Mathew's day. He could see the skyline of the City of Portland on the other side of the water, reversed from what you would ordinary see it, from the ocean. But still, he felt that Munjoy Hill, a rise off to the side, was familiar for its shape. But almost nothing else in the skyline was. His feeling was, "They have ruined it, this little jewel of a city by the sea." But then he reflected, that it has been almost 180 years since we lived there. It has been through the entire Industrial Revolution, and more. How could one expect it to retain its full charm? It's been too long.

So Steve, as Mathew, feels sad for the city, and by proxy, for himself. But he isn't sorry he moved there. It's a good place to be, and a good place to start over. It is a socially liberal place, and it is about time, he feels, that he live where people are more like-minded. It still has its charm, and there is Maine's natural beauty, outside the city. There is lots for him to explore--it will be fun.

He is now thinking, "Too bad Abby is not here, physically with me, to go on excursions!" Well, I am here guiding him, and perhaps I am of more use to him here, at this point in his life, than I would be there.

I can see possible futures, and I will tell you, that this may be temporary. Things may change completely for Steve, and he may not even be in Portland in a year or so. Whereas now he will be visiting elderly people for just barely over the local minimum wage, in a year, he may be a professional person with more money than he knows what to do with. Have I not said that his karma has changed, and his fortunes will change along with it? He has successfully moved to a new city, found inexpensive housing, been offered the first job he applied for; he has visited and recorded his reactions for six or seven crucial past-life sites, including Mathew's grave, my grave, my family home, his family home, where he worked in Boston, and the little town we eloped to. Out of all that he had two new past-life experiences, and solved one mystery; so the new book will definitely have some substance. All this in less than a month. Can you see how fast things are moving for him? This is because he is undergoing a radical karmic shift, where a new "block" of karma is beginning to influence his life.

This is just the beginning. This "sun" has only just started peeking over the horizon. Wait until it is at full blaze!

It was very, very, very poignant for me to see Steve visiting my grave--both the new site, where a few little shards of my bones had been moved, and also the original site, which he more-or-less located. He lay down full length on my grave, to be as close to me as possible; he kissed the stone, and he kissed the ground. (All this, despite the fact there are only 2-3 little bones left there, no bigger than your finger, this being the plot that they were moved to.) So many years ago, I desperately tried to give him a sign, that I had survived death, and that my mind was every bit as much alive as it had been when it expressed through my body. Every bit--no difference. I had shed the body like a skin, and I, who I really am, was still there in my fresh body of energy and light (just like what everybody else has). Only my physical body had dropped away. So when the service was almost concluded, I caused a wind to blow, and directed it to shower blossoms from a little tree onto my fresh grave.

I had been able to give him the Teachings; but I had not been able to supply him faith. He had not striven to build his faith to a sufficient strength; and so now, when he hurt so deeply, when it was so crucial, his faith faltered. That left him on a mental see-saw, pulled back, and forth. I cried for him to see him like that, but what could I do? I did try to reach him. Well, he found his faith some years later, only to lose it again when the group he admired, began lapsing, as described at the outset of this journal entry. So in his life, he still vacillated. Only now, as Steve, is his faith firm--so much so, that we are rapidly approaching our eighth anniversary!!! Steve has already written me his poem, and this time, I didn't help him, so it is all his. It is delightful, and quaint, and I will share it with you after we reach our anniversary date, March 10. Steve will soon start his part-time job of visiting elderly people; but we cannot publicly talk about anything personal, lest he break confidentiality. I think this is good work for him to be doing, for now--any job that helps people is a good job, regardless of the pay. Be prepared, though, for things to change in Steve's life. I see it, and am even facilitating the change.

Love to each and all,